The Writing Lesson

"We’ve now had decades of composition courses in which students exchange banal opinions about the hot-button issues of the day, and student writing has only gotten worse. Doesn’t it make sense to think that if you are trying to teach them how to use linguistic forms, linguistic forms are what you should be teaching?"

In The Writing Lesson, Stanley Fish explores content versus function in English grammar, and why teaching form is teaching writing.

Bogart and his pals

What the hell does 'bogart' mean? No, not the wonderfully handsome Humphry, but the verb I hear used so much in various social situations. "Dude, don't bogart the remote!" ,"She totally bogarted the group presentation."," Mom tends to bogart my friends when I bring them over.", etc.

Seriously, what does it mean? Where did it come from? How does someone's last name become such common jargon? Well, according to the ever entertaining Urban Dictionary , bogart origonally came from the world of cannibus users who would dangle their home made cigarettes out of their mouth, much like dear old Humphry, and smoke them 'till the poor roach was mostley ash, also apparantly similar to one of Humphy's habits. The term then evolved to mean any sort of hogging, selfish hoarding, thoughtless stealing, etc manner, especially something that is meant to be shared.

This is so interesting to me, seeing as I have many of these sort of words myself. "I am so going to Liza the shit out of this party." translates roughly to: "I am so going to wear tones of sparkly things, flirt with all the guys I'll never get, begin the night as some wonderful sprite, but end it as a puking crying monster!" As a massive nerd, I might even replace the ever popular 'bogart' with 'smeagol/gollum'; i.e. "Macy, why did you smeagol the frickin ice cream?"

Maybe all those little quirks of mine will one day become popular among everyone from potsmokers, school teachers, and video store workers. I girl can dream.

Why Grammar Matters

I'm a writing tutor, and I had an interesting conversation today with a client that I think needs to be expanded. I need to do some set up, so bear with me.

This client (we'll call him Frank) came in with a paper for a Marketing class. Right off the bat, Frank committed one of the Deadly Sins of Writing Tutoring by asking me to proofread his paper. Now, as a writing tutor, I don't do that. In fact, I'll go out on a limb and say that no writing tutor does that. There are many reasons why we don't, and my favorite is that I don't get paid nearly as much as your average copy editor. But that's not what I'm talking about now.

The reason why I don't proofread and correct student's papers for them is this simple: Grammar matters.

Let me clarify. When a student turns in a paper, the professor grades not only on content, but also how well that student can express themselves with language. Even if the paper is in science or math or business or underwater basket weaving. And if I, the writing tutor, correct all the little grammar mistakes in that paper, then the professor won't be grading based on that student's verbal skill.

But that's just for school! Surely people don't expect you to have good grammar in the Real World! Wrong. They surely do.

Given the choice between one employee who knows the difference between their, there, and they're and one who doesn't.... who do you think your boss will choose?

Well, don't they have grammar check for that? Not in email, last time I checked. Not on paper when you have to hand write something. And even if there is a grammar checker, let me tell you those things aren't always right.

I didn't have time to tell Frank all of this, of course, but I told him some. Also, I corrected some mistakes, but I took the time to show him why they were mistakes so that next time he could catch them on his own. Because that's what writing tutors do that copy editors don't.

Favorite Word Ever

Oxymoron. I absolutely love that word, and for many wonderful reasons. For one thing, it is really fun to say and point out, especially when I get to say "oxymoronic". Oh the addition of those two precious letters make me wish I wore glasses just so I could push them up with my index and middle fingers like all the pretentious people do. Just the idea of an oxymoron, an idea made up of two contradictory ideas, makes me so gleeful, and literally gives me hope. In the wonderful word of grammar and the English language something can exist that logically shouldn't, and that exhibites to the language's flexibility and versatility. (Let me take a second here to mention that flexible, versatile, and sloppy are three very different ideas, but I digress...)

The other day I stumbled upon The Little Big List of Oxymorons Online. Everything from a fine mess to zero deficit is to be found, glorified, and discussed. I am not sure I could call this list definitive, or even wholly accurate. I have never even heard of a waning crescent, and immigration control just sounds mean. American education/culture/intelligence or any other phrase that's only purpose is to insult is not an oxymoron, it's a stupid joke. Still, the list is something fun to browse through from time to time.

My favorite oxymoron? I cannot say. Jumbo shrimp is classic, but divine decadence always makes me smile. I love anything paradoxical, and tend to use it in my writing, juxtaposing two opposing ideas to somehow make something coherent. Sound familiar?

Anyway, that is my favorite word of the week. Now if you'll excuse me, a Quiet Riot concert is on VH1 Classic. ;)

(Don't you just love cheesy closing lines?)