False Friends: commonly confused words

You're merrily typing away, crafting words into sentences into paragraphs into pages into essays and short stories and novels... and then you screech to a stop. Your writing gears seize. The works are jammed by a simple decision.

"Wait! Is it who or whom?"

There are many words in English that are so close and used in such similar ways. Let's clear up some of that confusion, shall we?


Toward or Towards?
There's actually no difference at all, besides that pesky "s." "Towards" is simply British English, while "toward" is American. That said, "toward" is more common.

• The same applies to forward/forwards and backward/backwards.
  
• The "s" makes it British, and so it sounds more formal. Other than that, either word is fine.
  

Then or Than?
This should be a no-brainer, but it trips up even the best of us!

Then indicates time.

• "Then we went shopping."

Than indicates comparison or degree.

• "I like cookies more than brownies."
• Than is often paired with "rather" or other adjectives of comparison. Example: "Cookies are tastier than brownies." "Man O'War was faster than Secretariat."

Who or Whom?
This one trips everybody up, but it's really very simple. Both words are pronouns, words that stand in for other words.

Here's the difference: who stands in for the subject and whom for an object.

Who is there? She is there.

• (She, the answer to the question, is the subject.)

Whom do you love? I love her.

• (The answer is the object her.)

That or Which?
There used to be a big difference between these two, but over time, "that" has become more and more common. Opinions still vary among grammarians and teachers. There's no hard and fast rule, but let me set forth some guidelines.

First, both words are pronouns.
Which is an interrogative pronoun like who and what. These words can be used in questions.
That is a demonstrative pronoun like this and these. These words refer to specific people and things.

But you knew that, right? That's not where the confusion hits.

"Which" and "that" are confusing when you use them in a relative clause, like this.

• "Nobody liked the cookies that were burnt."
• "The cookies, which were burnt, tasted gross."

Let's take a minute and look closely at those two sentences. Both of them have relative clauses. There are some subtle but important differences.

"Nobody liked the cookies that were burnt."

• First, grammarians call this a Restrictive Relative Clause because it restricts the meaning of the noun (cookies). The information this clause gives is essential. If you take it out, the meaning changes. This sentence implies that there were cookies that weren't burnt. People may have liked the other cookies, they just didn't like the cookies that were burnt. That bit of information is crucial!
  
• This is by far the most common type of clause, and whichever pronoun that is appropriate perfectly fine to use. You could use "which" or "who" or "whom" or "that" or sometimes nothing at all. And you don't even need a comma!
• Here's some examples: "I should yell at the friend who baked these cookies!" "The cookies that Mary baked were undercooked." "The cookies which we scraped off tasted fine." "The friend I told to make the cookies can't bake."
  

"The cookies, which were burnt, tasted gross."

• This is an example of a Non-Restrictive Relative Clause (also called Parenthetic) because it contains information that doesn't restrict the meaning of the sentence. It's extra information. You could take it right out of the sentence (like statements in parentheses) without damaging the sentence at all.
• Always use which with Non-Restrictive Relative Clauses.
  
• Second, notice the commas. They're like parentheses marking the beginning and end of that relative clause, and those commas should let you know that the clause is non-restrictive.
  
• Which always gets at least one comma. If your clause is at the end of the sentence, "which" only gets the comma before it.
  
• Example: "Nobody liked the cookies, which were burnt."

These last two drive me crazy!

Your/You're and Its/It's
Here's a helpful rule: If a word has an apostrophe and it's not a possessive, it's a contraction. If it's used as a verb, it's definitely a contraction.

• It's and you're are contractions.
  
• They are shortened forms of "you are" and "it is."
  
• End of story.

Their/There/They're
Just drill this into your head.

Their means "belonging to them."

• "The kids put on their coats." (They put on the coats that belonged to them.)
  

There means "that place."

• "Don't go over there, please." (Don't go to that place.)
  

They're has an apostrophe. What does that mean? It's a contraction! So it means "they are."

• "They're freezing outside!" (They are all cold.)
• And a bonus for reading this far: "They're all freezing out there without their coats!"