The Writing Lesson

"We’ve now had decades of composition courses in which students exchange banal opinions about the hot-button issues of the day, and student writing has only gotten worse. Doesn’t it make sense to think that if you are trying to teach them how to use linguistic forms, linguistic forms are what you should be teaching?"

In The Writing Lesson, Stanley Fish explores content versus function in English grammar, and why teaching form is teaching writing.

Bogart and his pals

What the hell does 'bogart' mean? No, not the wonderfully handsome Humphry, but the verb I hear used so much in various social situations. "Dude, don't bogart the remote!" ,"She totally bogarted the group presentation."," Mom tends to bogart my friends when I bring them over.", etc.

Seriously, what does it mean? Where did it come from? How does someone's last name become such common jargon? Well, according to the ever entertaining Urban Dictionary , bogart origonally came from the world of cannibus users who would dangle their home made cigarettes out of their mouth, much like dear old Humphry, and smoke them 'till the poor roach was mostley ash, also apparantly similar to one of Humphy's habits. The term then evolved to mean any sort of hogging, selfish hoarding, thoughtless stealing, etc manner, especially something that is meant to be shared.

This is so interesting to me, seeing as I have many of these sort of words myself. "I am so going to Liza the shit out of this party." translates roughly to: "I am so going to wear tones of sparkly things, flirt with all the guys I'll never get, begin the night as some wonderful sprite, but end it as a puking crying monster!" As a massive nerd, I might even replace the ever popular 'bogart' with 'smeagol/gollum'; i.e. "Macy, why did you smeagol the frickin ice cream?"

Maybe all those little quirks of mine will one day become popular among everyone from potsmokers, school teachers, and video store workers. I girl can dream.

Why Grammar Matters

I'm a writing tutor, and I had an interesting conversation today with a client that I think needs to be expanded. I need to do some set up, so bear with me.

This client (we'll call him Frank) came in with a paper for a Marketing class. Right off the bat, Frank committed one of the Deadly Sins of Writing Tutoring by asking me to proofread his paper. Now, as a writing tutor, I don't do that. In fact, I'll go out on a limb and say that no writing tutor does that. There are many reasons why we don't, and my favorite is that I don't get paid nearly as much as your average copy editor. But that's not what I'm talking about now.

The reason why I don't proofread and correct student's papers for them is this simple: Grammar matters.

Let me clarify. When a student turns in a paper, the professor grades not only on content, but also how well that student can express themselves with language. Even if the paper is in science or math or business or underwater basket weaving. And if I, the writing tutor, correct all the little grammar mistakes in that paper, then the professor won't be grading based on that student's verbal skill.

But that's just for school! Surely people don't expect you to have good grammar in the Real World! Wrong. They surely do.

Given the choice between one employee who knows the difference between their, there, and they're and one who doesn't.... who do you think your boss will choose?

Well, don't they have grammar check for that? Not in email, last time I checked. Not on paper when you have to hand write something. And even if there is a grammar checker, let me tell you those things aren't always right.

I didn't have time to tell Frank all of this, of course, but I told him some. Also, I corrected some mistakes, but I took the time to show him why they were mistakes so that next time he could catch them on his own. Because that's what writing tutors do that copy editors don't.

Favorite Word Ever

Oxymoron. I absolutely love that word, and for many wonderful reasons. For one thing, it is really fun to say and point out, especially when I get to say "oxymoronic". Oh the addition of those two precious letters make me wish I wore glasses just so I could push them up with my index and middle fingers like all the pretentious people do. Just the idea of an oxymoron, an idea made up of two contradictory ideas, makes me so gleeful, and literally gives me hope. In the wonderful word of grammar and the English language something can exist that logically shouldn't, and that exhibites to the language's flexibility and versatility. (Let me take a second here to mention that flexible, versatile, and sloppy are three very different ideas, but I digress...)

The other day I stumbled upon The Little Big List of Oxymorons Online. Everything from a fine mess to zero deficit is to be found, glorified, and discussed. I am not sure I could call this list definitive, or even wholly accurate. I have never even heard of a waning crescent, and immigration control just sounds mean. American education/culture/intelligence or any other phrase that's only purpose is to insult is not an oxymoron, it's a stupid joke. Still, the list is something fun to browse through from time to time.

My favorite oxymoron? I cannot say. Jumbo shrimp is classic, but divine decadence always makes me smile. I love anything paradoxical, and tend to use it in my writing, juxtaposing two opposing ideas to somehow make something coherent. Sound familiar?

Anyway, that is my favorite word of the week. Now if you'll excuse me, a Quiet Riot concert is on VH1 Classic. ;)

(Don't you just love cheesy closing lines?)

Foul Fridays : An Intro

Cussing is very very important, and very vital to humanity. Don't believe me? Think about how many times you've heard the word "fuck", every situation more versatile and with varying impact. Someone mutters "Fuck you," under their breath as you walk by, you shout "FUCK!" as your car rear ends another, "Oh fuck," almost a whisper escapes your lips in total orgasmic ecstasy. How about the first cuss word you ever heard, ever spoke, ever really meant? Cuss words are wonderful words of power, and like every other word in the English language, they have what power we choose to give them. I know people who were raised to think "damn" was as bad as "fuck" and visa-versa. I can't say what my favorite cuss word is, it varies like the seasons. Currently, an unusually naughtly thought has been entering my mind from time to time...

This awesome video I stumbled upon on youtube might help illustrate my point:


So think this over, until next Friday when I would like to take you, if you will, on a strange journey of one certainly wonderful cuss word.

Until then, FUCK OFF.

Wordy Wednesay

Since I have spent the remainder of my afternoon/evening stressing out over the layout of this blog and it's apparent exploding bandwidth (I'm going to take this moment to BEG anyone who knows code to please contact me and help me out with this hot mess!), I think I am going to choose the word angst.:

1944, from Ger. Angst "neurotic fear, anxiety, guilt, remorse" from O.H.G. angust, from the root of anger (q.v.). George Eliot used it (in Ger.) in 1849, and it was popularized in Eng. by translation of Freud's work, but as a foreign word until 1940s. O.E. had a cognate word, angsumnes "anxiety," but it died out.

You know, like teen angst, or the angst you feel when nothing seems to be working!!!!!!

Sorry, a much better post to follow when this whole format mess blows over.

False Friends: commonly confused words

You're merrily typing away, crafting words into sentences into paragraphs into pages into essays and short stories and novels... and then you screech to a stop. Your writing gears seize. The works are jammed by a simple decision.

"Wait! Is it who or whom?"

There are many words in English that are so close and used in such similar ways. Let's clear up some of that confusion, shall we?


Toward or Towards?
There's actually no difference at all, besides that pesky "s." "Towards" is simply British English, while "toward" is American. That said, "toward" is more common.

• The same applies to forward/forwards and backward/backwards.
  
• The "s" makes it British, and so it sounds more formal. Other than that, either word is fine.
  

Then or Than?
This should be a no-brainer, but it trips up even the best of us!

Then indicates time.

• "Then we went shopping."

Than indicates comparison or degree.

• "I like cookies more than brownies."
• Than is often paired with "rather" or other adjectives of comparison. Example: "Cookies are tastier than brownies." "Man O'War was faster than Secretariat."

Who or Whom?
This one trips everybody up, but it's really very simple. Both words are pronouns, words that stand in for other words.

Here's the difference: who stands in for the subject and whom for an object.

Who is there? She is there.

• (She, the answer to the question, is the subject.)

Whom do you love? I love her.

• (The answer is the object her.)

That or Which?
There used to be a big difference between these two, but over time, "that" has become more and more common. Opinions still vary among grammarians and teachers. There's no hard and fast rule, but let me set forth some guidelines.

First, both words are pronouns.
Which is an interrogative pronoun like who and what. These words can be used in questions.
That is a demonstrative pronoun like this and these. These words refer to specific people and things.

But you knew that, right? That's not where the confusion hits.

"Which" and "that" are confusing when you use them in a relative clause, like this.

• "Nobody liked the cookies that were burnt."
• "The cookies, which were burnt, tasted gross."

Let's take a minute and look closely at those two sentences. Both of them have relative clauses. There are some subtle but important differences.

"Nobody liked the cookies that were burnt."

• First, grammarians call this a Restrictive Relative Clause because it restricts the meaning of the noun (cookies). The information this clause gives is essential. If you take it out, the meaning changes. This sentence implies that there were cookies that weren't burnt. People may have liked the other cookies, they just didn't like the cookies that were burnt. That bit of information is crucial!
  
• This is by far the most common type of clause, and whichever pronoun that is appropriate perfectly fine to use. You could use "which" or "who" or "whom" or "that" or sometimes nothing at all. And you don't even need a comma!
• Here's some examples: "I should yell at the friend who baked these cookies!" "The cookies that Mary baked were undercooked." "The cookies which we scraped off tasted fine." "The friend I told to make the cookies can't bake."
  

"The cookies, which were burnt, tasted gross."

• This is an example of a Non-Restrictive Relative Clause (also called Parenthetic) because it contains information that doesn't restrict the meaning of the sentence. It's extra information. You could take it right out of the sentence (like statements in parentheses) without damaging the sentence at all.
• Always use which with Non-Restrictive Relative Clauses.
  
• Second, notice the commas. They're like parentheses marking the beginning and end of that relative clause, and those commas should let you know that the clause is non-restrictive.
  
• Which always gets at least one comma. If your clause is at the end of the sentence, "which" only gets the comma before it.
  
• Example: "Nobody liked the cookies, which were burnt."

These last two drive me crazy!

Your/You're and Its/It's
Here's a helpful rule: If a word has an apostrophe and it's not a possessive, it's a contraction. If it's used as a verb, it's definitely a contraction.

• It's and you're are contractions.
  
• They are shortened forms of "you are" and "it is."
  
• End of story.

Their/There/They're
Just drill this into your head.

Their means "belonging to them."

• "The kids put on their coats." (They put on the coats that belonged to them.)
  

There means "that place."

• "Don't go over there, please." (Don't go to that place.)
  

They're has an apostrophe. What does that mean? It's a contraction! So it means "they are."

• "They're freezing outside!" (They are all cold.)
• And a bonus for reading this far: "They're all freezing out there without their coats!"